


A Bit of Trouble

by Slaterchest



Category: Ballum, EastEnders (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Domestic Violence, Hurt Ben, M/M, Protective Callum
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-03-07
Updated: 2020-04-28
Packaged: 2021-02-28 19:00:36
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 11
Words: 19,228
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23052091
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Slaterchest/pseuds/Slaterchest
Summary: AU after Luke and Ben got together. Ben leaves Walford with Luke. Callum arrives like the show and starts dating Whitney. Ben comes back with Lola and Lexi, same as the show but reasons are very different. Warning abuse is in the story.
Relationships: Callum "Halfway" Highway/Ben Mitchell
Comments: 21
Kudos: 157





	1. The Meeting

**Author's Note:**

> I don't own any of the characters or show, just like it. I'm also from the U.S. so I don't get all the phrasing right.

Callum watched Whitney chat with Stacey. It was a nice night; they were out at the Vic enjoying a few drinks. He never thought he would ever be with someone as amazing as Whitney Dean. She was everything he ever dreamt of and more. The only thing he wished was that he was sexually attracted to her. He loved her more than the air he breathed, and he never had a problem showing it. But there were times he thought about the lies he was telling her and to himself. He didn’t lie about the love, he did love her, just about his passion for her. It was a small lie really in the grand scheme of things.

“Have you heard the news?” Stacey asked, seeming to remember something.

“Nah, you know we just got back,” Whit answered. They had gone to a resort and spa for a few days. “What? Spill.” She did love goss that she hadn’t heard before.

“You will never guess who showed up while you were gone,” Stacey said, eyes gleaming with giddiness to share.

“Who?”

“Lola brought Lexi back and you’ll never guess who else.”

“Who?”

“Ben.”

Whitney’s eyes widened. “No. Did that Luke come back with him?”

“No, whatever happened between them, they are keeping quiet. I saw Ben just yesterday morning, he was different,” Stacey said.

“What do you mean?” Whit asked.

“You know, he’s always been a gobby thing, except right after Paul. Well, he’s just sort of shut down. I heard him arguing with Lola about telling the truth but that’s it.”

Whitney looked completely hooked on this conversation. He needed to get some fresh air and told them he would be right back. He didn’t need to hear about someone he didn’t know returning. He gestured to Whit where he would be, but she just waved him off. As he exited the pub he was hit by a gust of cold, damp air. March was coming up fast, he hoped the weather turned.

He was deciding if he should just go back to his flat or back in when someone bumped into him.

“Sorry,” he said out of habit. He looked into stormy blue eyes. “Are you alright?” he asked the other man.

The man looked at the door to the Vic, then back at Callum before shaking his head and turning around. It wasn’t in his nature to see someone distressed and just let them go. Because of that, he followed the shorter man.

“Are you alright, Mate?” he asked again.

The man turned around and eyed him with contempt. “I’m fine. Now do one.” The man raised his hand to point back to the Vic. That caused the sleeve of his arm to ride up, showing a nasty bruise around his wrist. The man noticed where he was looking and pulled down his sleeve, turning and running off.

“Was that Ben Mitchell?”

Callum turned to look at the new voice, it was Tina. “I don’t know.”

“Looked like him. I heard he was back.”

“Where has he been?”

“Ran off with his much older boyfriend. The guy was a slime, his whole family was and according to Jay, Ben was done with him. But then he just leaves, all anyone got was a text saying he was leaving with Luke. It was a weird relationship to be honest. Luke didn’t seem to even like Ben much, just wanted to keep him.”

Callum’s stomach turned at the thought of someone hurting someone they were supposed to love. It reminded him of all the times his dad would hurt Stuart. He hoped that he wasn’t right about how Ben got his injury.

Ben headed back to Ian’s; he knew going to the Vic was a mistake. He wasn’t ready for everyone to look at him, the whispers and the eventual questions. Only Lola knew about what had happened. He had turned up on her doorstep in Newcastle beat to hell. After a year of Luke, he was finally able to run. He knew it was too risky to go back to Walford. Luke would look there first, he needed time to heal. He slept on the sofa and healed; he still had some bruises but nothing he couldn’t handle. Finally, he could breathe without searing pain in his ribs.

The plan was to stay with Lola and Lexi until he could figure out his next move. That ended the night a few days ago when Luke showed up. He begged for forgiveness, but Ben knew it was a lie. It was an act in front of Lola, there was no gentleness in Luke Browning. He was sly and manipulative, everything that Ben used to look up to. Now, he wanted nothing to do with men like that, men at all right now. Luke had told him to meet him at his hotel. The bruises on his wrist was Luke telling him he was serious. As soon as he left, they packed and came back to Walford.

He heard laughing once he was back at Ian’s. In the kitchen Lola and Jay were flirting. They would get back together, he knew it. There was no one more that he wanted in Lexi’s life than Jay, he would be a great stepdad. Lexi was colouring in her book, humming a song that she only knew the tune.

“I thought you were getting a pint,” Lola said as she noticed him.

“Changed my mind.”

“You can’t keep yourself shut up in here like a recluse,” Lola said, looking at him sympathetically. He hated that, hated that she knew his shame, what he had been through.

“Give it a rest, he doesn’t feel like it,” Jay said. Good old, dependable Jay. He had always been there for him, even in the thick of it.

“Daddy, can you help me,” Lexi said, getting his attention.

His relationship with Lexi had grown in the weeks he was in Newcastle. It made him hate who he used to be, she was his and he missed most of her life because of his own selfishness.

“Of course, baby,” he said, taking a seat next to her. She was colouring in a hippopotamus. She was making it an eye cringing orange. He didn’t say anything though and just looked for the crayons she demanded.

The next day he had ventured to the shops. He was just out looking around, didn’t have a real plan. He saw a beautiful woman with dark skin. Not for the first time, he wondered if his life would be easier if he were straight. His father would like him more that was for sure. The woman went to reach for a jar on a shelf higher up. A familiar looking bruise appeared on her wrist. He knew it well; it was from someone gripping the wrist hard. He was sporting the same type of bruise; Luke liked the whole overpowering thing. He was older, bigger and stronger than Ben and loved to prove it.

Apparently, Ben wasn’t the only one to notice the bruise.

“Oh, Chantelle, what happened to your wrist?” Honey asked from the counter.

The look of surprise and embarrassment came over the woman, Chantelle’s face. She sat the jar she just grabbed down and pulled her sleeve down to where it was covered. “It’s nothing, I hurt it playing with the kids.”

Another customer came in and Honey’s attention left Chantelle as she greeted the new person.

“I always try to make it sound cool. Like I fell from a tram,” he said quietly. She looked at him with big eyes. “Well, it was better than the truth. Oh that? I got that because I didn’t ring when I got home. Or, that’s from when he saw me talking to the bloke who drove delivery for too long. It’s easier when the bruises and broken bones can be hidden from sight, less questions.” He pulled up his sleeve, showing the bruise around his wrist. “Or just being too mouthy.”

“I-I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she said, looking panicked. He understood. If Luke were in town he would be hiding and cowering, less chance people finding out how weak and pathetic you are.

“Right. And I’m still icing my ribs from skydiving.”

He noticed Honey was done with her costumer, so he quickly left, he didn’t want his secret out any more than this woman did. The same man who he saw last night was standing beside Whitney Dean. He had heard from Jay that Whitney was dating someone, it was just talk filling in what happened while he was gone.

Before he could slip away unseen Whitney saw him. “Hiya, Ben, I heard you were back.”

“Yeah, been back a few days,” he muttered.

“Are you here for good or just visiting?”

“Don’t know yet.”

“Sorry it didn’t work out with Luke.” At the mention of the man who joined Paul’s killers in nightmares he shivered.

“I’m not,” he said before leaving. It was a mistake to come outside.

Callum watched Ben walk away, feeling some pieces fall into places. The bruise he saw last night and the shiver at the mention of his ex. His ex was an abuser and Ben had finally gotten away from him.

“Stace was right, he is different,” Whitney said.

“What do you mean?” he asked her.

They were walking back to their flat, it she shivered some and he gave her his coat.

“Just, he used to be all mouth. Always fighting with Phil, don’t blame him there. Phil didn’t want a gay son, Ben tried to be what Phil wanted. It just made him mean most of the time. He killed Shirley’s best mate; did you know that?”

Callum shook his head, the man was a murderer.

“It was a lot of bad just adding up to it. He was young, scared of Phil and I’m not even sure what else. He hit her in the head with a picture frame, it was a fatal. He did time in young offenders; it wasn’t his first time in trouble. When he got out, he was different. He went back into the closet and started dating Abi. Then Paul came along, and he fell for him. I think that was the happiest I ever saw him. But they were attacked in a homophobic attack leaving a club. They got split up, Ben was beat to hell and Paul was bead to death.

After that, he changed again, it was hookups. He even slept with Johnny once. They were just mates though. That was when Luke came in the picture, old enough to be Ben’s dad. It never looked right to me and not because of the age thing, the way he was around Ben. I know that Abi told Lauren that she suspected that Luke was a little rough with Ben. One day they were gone, Phil was furious.”

Callum listened and couldn’t believe what he was hearing. They all just accepted Ben leaving on a text. Anything could have happened to him. It was a wonder he wasn’t dead and stuffed in the bottom of an oil drum. “I don’t get it, why didn’t anyone look for him?”

“It’s Ben, innit. He’s always been a bit dodge, at least when it comes to trying to get Phil’s attention. When he was young, he was a right sweet boy. Phil made sure most of that was gone. Phil always thought he was too effeminate. Looking at him now, he can’t be accused of it. Poor thing, I believe if Kath didn’t do what she did and raised him, he would be a completely different person…a happier person.”

Callum would say the Ben he saw was not happy.


	2. Surprises

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This story at the beginning of 2019, so those side stories there will be there for the most part. I'll probably change what I didn't like though, because it would work better with this story. Thanks for reading and liking it.

Just like a bad penny, Luke showed his face in the square. The first one to see him was Honey, she had relayed the news to Sharon and it finally made its way to him. He wasn’t scared of Luke, not really. It was the fact that he knew if he was alone with him, Luke would be able to talk him into going back. There was too much that even Lola didn’t know about. If it was just a battering, he could live with that. Luke didn’t like to hurt with fists, it was always a last-ditch effort to stay in control. Luke liked to hurt with words, he liked to watch whoever he was demeaning break.

When Ben broke it off with him before everything went to hell, he thought he was in the clear. He knew what Luke was, what Luke’s father was. The hurt that family had dealt to his mother was unbelievable. Spending time with the son of his mother’s rapist sickened him.

Then everything changed with the car. It all started so simple; Luke tried to buy him off with a fancy car. Jay thought he should keep it, Ben wanted nothing to do with it. Ben thought he made it clear to Luke he didn’t want anything from him. Luke hadn’t come back to the Arches empty handed. With little effort he had Ben on the ground bleeding. He thought Luke was going to just leave then but that didn’t happen. He brought the evidence that he had against Phil, enough to put him away for a long time. The offer was, he would leave with him and the evidence never made the light of day. He knew Luke came back a few times to close things up with his father and Fi. When James died, Luke lost the plot more than before. Ben thought he had father issues, but they were nothing compared to Luke’s. It was always about control with him. He wanted more power and control than James. Ben only wanted his dad to see him, accept him and love him for who he was. Yeah, it came out in terrible ways.

He was just so angry he couldn’t see straight. People left him, they always had. His father never seemed to want anything to do with him, unlike how he acted with Louise. His mother faked her own death, leaving him alone. Ian and Phil fought over him like he was a toy but neither really wanted him. Abi, his best friend before Jay, he had trashed that friendship with his lies about who he really was. Then Paul, Paul left him…not by choice but still the same. It was Paul’s death that hurt the worst because he lived that night over and over again. If only they wouldn’t have split up, or Paul run the direction he did. If Paul was attacked by the ones that attacked Ben he would just be battered, not dead. Ben would give up his life in a second to change the past. Paul was a good person and a good soul. Ben wasn’t, he was a killer, Paul deserved life not him.

Almost a year went by before he realized why Luke wanted him. It was all to outdo his dead father. James could only have Ben’s mum by force. Luke wanted to prove he was better…smarter, and having Ben want to be with him would prove that. It wasn’t all that bad with Luke, there were moments that Ben thought he might even be close to falling for the man. But then Luke’s true colours would come out and hurt him. Luke’s weapon of choice was his word. He would weld it and the sharp edge would cut Ben deeper than any knife. He never kept Ben locked up or kept his mobile away from him, his prison was of his own making.

If people found out about everything he had done since being with Luke they would never look at him again. It took years but even Shirley didn’t hate him on sight, she didn’t like him but didn’t hate him. He knew she did that for Heather, because Heather wouldn’t want it. Because just like Paul, Heather was a good person. They are the ones who seem to always pay the price.

It was at the Vic that Luke found him, he thought after all the trouble Luke’s family caused it would be the one place, he wouldn’t go…he was wrong.

Ben was sitting with Lola, Jay, Whitney and Callum. He didn’t know what to think of Whitney’s new fella but the more the merrier, Luke would think twice about this many if he did come in. No more than the thought occurred to him that the door opened, and Luke Browning walked in.

“I won’t be having any trouble in my pub,” Mick said, glaring at Luke. Apparently, forgiveness was not coming from the landlord anytime soon.

“No, trouble intended, just coming to get something that is mine,” Luke said, turning his fake smile to Ben.

Luke walked over to them and grabbed a chair from another table, sitting down.

“You ain’t welcome here,” Lola said, lesser men would cower at her heated glare.

“Really? Why ever not?”

Lola knew she couldn’t spill Ben’s secrets here. He would never forgive her. They were getting on so well now, being the parents to Lexi she needed.

“Because you ain’t wanted,” Lola said instead.

“That’s not for you to say my dear,” he said, his eyes never leaving Ben. She was getting real sick of him fast. They were drawing attention from all around the pub, people listening in. She even saw Shirley close by.

“Look, mate, it’s pretty clear they don’t want you here,” Callum said, trying to be the voice of reason. Lola had only met him a few days ago but she really liked him. He was good for Whitney, she needed someone good.

“Are you saying I can’t talk to my own husband?”

The pub went quiet, no one was expecting that, especially her. She looked at Ben, but he wouldn’t look up, his eyes were cast down at his pint.

“Husband?” Jay asked, looking more than a little confused.

“Yes, husband. Ben, do you mind, I would like to have a private word with you,” Luke said, standing up.

Lola knew Ben said he worried about being alone with Luke. He wouldn’t say why but she suspected it was because of the abuse.

“No, you’ll stay here if you want to talk to him,” she said, leaving no room for argument. This man didn’t scare her, she’d slice his bollocks off if he made a move towards Ben.

“I was just wondering when he was coming home. It’s been weeks already. That is long enough to get this childish tantrum over with.”

She was going to kill this man, she knew it.

“He’s never going back,” Lola answered for Ben, who still had his eyes downcast.

“Sally misses you,” Luke said.

Lola looked at Ben and watched him sink lower down. “Who’s Sally? Did you get a dog?” she asked.

“Sally is our daughter,” Luke answered, his face smug.

“What? I don’t understand,” Jay piped up.

“When I met Ben, I was going to become a father. A friend volunteered to be a surrogate for me. She was born after I brought Ben home, he named her. He even adopted her, so she is our daughter not just mine.”

Callum had no clue what was going one, it all seemed like a terrible movie. Ben jumped up and rushed towards the toilets. Not wanting Luke to see his chance, Callum got up and went after him. Inside Ben was pacing and looked sick.

“Are you alright?” he asked gently.

“ALRIGHT? Do I look alright? I knew he was up to something when he asked me to adopt her. I believed him when he said it was just a backup in case anything happened to him. I see it now for what it was. He had his brother and sister if something happened to him. I’m so stupid.”

“What?”

“He’s tied me to him for eighteen years. If I don’t go back with him, he’ll bleed me dry just to hurt me.”

“Or…”

“Or what?”

“Look, I saw how you acted and the bruise on your wrist. I know how someone looks when they are scared of someone. If he’s willing to hurt his husband, he’ll hurt his child. Maybe you should sue for custody.”

“What?” Ben looked at Callum like he was insane.

“I’m just saying that man sets off all the warning bells the way he was talking to you. A man that hits his spouse won’t think twice about hitting his kid.”

Ben saw the logic in that, there was something not right with Luke. Of course, there was not a lot right with Ben either. Sally never grew on Luke. Ben suspected Luke wanted a boy to prove something, Ben didn’t know. Ben took care of Sally like he should have Lexi. The guilt when he held her was overwhelming.

“I’d lose. With my past, no court in their right mind would give me custody.”

“I heard some, but I do think you have more than a chance. Look what the mother of your child was willing to do for you. I thought she was going to take his head off.”

“Yeah, that’s Lola.”

“Just think about it. You’ll still be tied to him, but he won’t be able to take his anger out on her with you watching out.”

Ben knew he had a decision to make, go back with Luke or fight. He didn’t know which he would pick. “I’m a terrible father, Lexi barely knew me until recently.”

“Then fix it. You adopted that baby; she is yours to protect.”

It was a slap of reality he needed. She was his now, not blood but good as. Luke forced the adoption to keep him in line, but he had mistakenly given Ben power too. He would have to get a solicitor and a good one. That meant he would need money. That meant doing something he was putting off, seeing his father. Ben smiled at Callum, his first real one in ages. Something was there in the way Callum was looking at him, he couldn’t place it. He shrugged; he’d figure it out later.


	3. Drunk Ben

He knew Phil was going to be angry, he always was. Nothing Ben ever did was right or good enough in his father’s eyes. Saint Louise could do no wrong, but Ben was always wrong. He waited until Sharon left, knowing that he didn’t want an audience with his groveling.

Before he left, he had been living with Jay, Abi and Donna but even then, he would walk into his father’s house without knocking. This time though, he felt like an intruder. He knocked, waiting for his father to answer.

The door swung open and his dad’s annoyed face was filling the doorway.

“What are you doing banging on the door?”

“Thought it was rude to just walk in.”

Phil laughed. “When did you ever care about being rude? About time you show your face around here. Heard you were back but haven’t seen a trace of you.”

“I was over at Ian’s.”

Phil made a face; Ben knew his father never liked his older brother. Ian was an acquired taste. Ian being so much older than him it took him a while to see him as just a brother and not a father figure. He used to be jealous of Peter and Lucy, they had Ian. But with age he realized Ian was no prize either, but he was still family.

“Thought you would come over when you were ready,” his dad said.

“Yeah.”

“Well, come on in.”

He followed him into the kitchen. His dad looked to have been in middle of tea. Ben took a seat and waited for his dad to sit.

“Well go on and ask. I can always tell when you want something,” his dad said.

“I’ve messed up.” His dad put down his fork and looked at him. It was better to just spit it out, so he did. “I married Luke and adopted his daughter who I guess is now my daughter. He’s made some veiled threats about making me go back to him. I don’t want to, but I also don’t think he’s the best person for the baby. I don’t think I am either but he’s not the patient kind for a kid.”

His father’s face reddened, a clear sign he was working himself up into a state. “What a minute, you’re telling me, you got married. Without telling any of us?” Was his father really hurt he hadn’t told him? That was something new.

“I’m sorry, it wasn’t like there was a real wedding or anything.” It wasn’t anything he wanted anyone to know about.

“What about this kid? You adopted his kid? Don’t you think having one kid you don’t take care of is enough?” Ben thought that was rich coming from his father. He was going to let it slide though, only because he needed him.

“Yes, I adopted his daughter who is now my daughter, making her your granddaughter. Her name is Sally and she’s six months old.”

“Sally?”

“What’s wrong with Sally?” He liked the name, he named her after one of his favorite characters in one of his favorite musicals.

“Nothing. So, what do you need?”

“I need money to fight him, he has more money than you can imagine. He’ll have the best solicitor and use everything I’ve ever done.”

“I’m sorry Ben, I don’t think it’ll be successful. I can’t back a lost cause.” He thought Ben was a lost cause.

Ben left without yelling at the man he called his father, for that he thought he had matured. He needed to do something the old Ben would do, something reckless, something that would piss off both his father and Luke. Yes, he knew he had major father issues. He knew exactly what he would do.

Callum leaving work when he saw Ben running out of Phil’s. If looks could kill everyone in the square would be dead where they stood. After a moment of thought, he followed the younger man. He was getting into his car when Callum caught up to him.

“Where are you going?” he asked.

“Anywhere not here, at least for a few hours.”

“Want company?”

Callum could see the debate in the man’s eyes but finally he nodded. “You can drive,” Ben said tossing Callum the keys.

“Alright now I really do need to know where we’re going?”

“First gay club we pass.”

“Why?”

“Not that it’s any of your business but I’m going on the pull.”

That bothered Callum but it was only because Ben was asking for more trouble. “Do you think that’s wise? If you’re going to be fighting Luke in court, you don’t want to give him anything more to use against you. He could have someone following you.”

Ben laughed bitterly. “There won’t be any custody battle. I’m a waste of space, always have been. Now drive or get out.”

Against Callum’s better judgement he did what Ben asked. The first place they stopped Ben nearly threw up.

“Not here,” Ben said, his voice weak.

“Why not?”

“I just said not here.”

“Ben, this is the closest, I don’t understand.”

“This is the last place I saw Paul alive, pick somewhere else.”

Callum felt like a heel, so he started on to the next place. The mood in the car had changed, Ben was no longer seething about whatever set him off before they left the square. Now he was complete still and quiet.

“Do you still want to go?” Callum asked.

“No.”

“Whitney is staying at Stacey’s tonight, girls’ night. Why don’t you come back to mine? It’s much quieter than any of these places or Ian’s.”

Ben nodded and Callum found a turnabout. He hoped he wasn’t making a mistake.

“You didn’t tell me you lived here,” Ben said, looking at the familiar building.

“No, sorry, is it a problem? I know some might think it’s odd living over a funeral parlor but it’s not bad.”

“Paul lived here.”

He was never going to escape Paul’s ghost. When he first left with Luke, he thought maybe that was his punishment for not being able to save Paul or for moving on. Then later he knew it was really punishment for all the bad he had done.

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know. We can find someplace else.”

“Nah, he’s always there anyway.”

“Where?”

Ben pointed at his head; Paul was always there. Sometimes as the light pushing him forward when he felt like stopping. Sometimes he was the dark, telling Ben it was time to end it all.

“Right, where’s the booze?” he asked. It was time to turn his brain off for a while.

Callum knew he should have cut him off a few drinks back. Ben out of his head with drink. He was worried that drunk Ben would be upset Ben. That was not what happened. There were several stages. Drunk Ben stage one, giggly Ben. Drunk Ben stage two, abrasive Ben. Drunk Ben stage three, depressed Ben. They were on stage four right now. Horny Ben.

“You know, your right fit,” Ben said, leering at him…again.

“So, you said, but as I said before I’m not gay.”

“Right, I’m not gay either,” Ben said then he winked, well he tried, it was more like a blink.

“You’ve had too many, mate,” Callum said, wondering if Ben had somehow sussed him out.

There was something about Ben that he liked. The other man kept himself well hidden, he found that out fast. But there were glimmers of the real him, vulnerable yet strong, a complete oxymoron. Not only that he was easy on the eyes. Not in the gay way, because Callum wasn’t but anyone would see Ben Mitchell and think he was handsome.

“And you haven’t had nearly enough,” Ben said, grabbing the almost empty bottle.

“I’ve had enough.”

Ben shot up in a flash and was up against Callum. Callum tried to gently push him away but Ben had more balance than he thought he would.

“Ben, back off.”

Ben didn’t listen and rested his forehead against Callum’s. It would have been impossible if Callum were standing. Callum moved his head back, looking down at Ben’s lips. He couldn’t stop him leaning back in. Just as he was about to kiss Ben, the door rattled and started to open. Callum pushed Ben away so fast Ben fell to the ground. There was a smirk of his face. “Knew it.” Then he passed out as Whitney walked in seconds later.

“What’s happened here?” she said looking down at Ben’s prone form.

“He had too much to drink.”

“Well, either get him to the spare or call Jay.”

“I thought you were staying at Stacey’s.”

“Arthur’s running a fever,” she said.

“That’s too bad.”

“I’m going to bed. I don’t care what you do with him, but I don’t want Ben flamin’ Mitchell passed out on my kitchen floor all night.”

“Right.”

He had to risk it, moving Ben to the spare room. It was too late at night to be calling and bothering anyone. His leg bothered him some, but he was able to maneuver Ben into the room and into bed.

“My Prince Charming,” Ben muttered but didn’t open his eyes. Callum hoped that Ben didn’t remember any of this night. 


	4. Deal with the Devil

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've messed with the timeline a little bit but not a lot. Sorry in advance, it's not really noticeable in this chapter though.

Ben wanted to die; his head was pounding, and his mouth tasted awful. He hadn’t drunk that much in a very long time; he didn’t trust himself to get that inebriated. But with Callum, he felt safe, and wasn’t that weird. Callum was a near stranger and Ben trusted him more than he did his own family. There were only two people he had trusted that much, and one of them was dead. It was a level of trust he didn’t even have in his parents.

It took a moment to realize where he was after he opened his eyes. Paul’s room, or what used to be Paul’s room. It didn’t look the same anymore, but the memories were still there. He needed to get out, there were too many emotions. Thankfully, Callum wasn’t awake yet when he slipped out the door. Ben wasn’t sure what he said the night before, but he knew it was probably embarrassing.

He hoped that no one was awake when he arrived back at Ian’s. They were going to have to get a place of their own soon. There was no way he is moving back in with his dad. The man was too much of a control freak. He had enough of that in the past year. He didn’t know if he should try and get a place alone or have one with Lola and Lexi. Lola and he got on really well and it would make co-parenting easier. They had a long discussion when he went to Newcastle. She let him know that she wouldn’t have him in and out of Lexi’s life, if he wanted in her life, he would have to be there all the time. That was an easy promise, he just hoped he could keep with it. Now that there was no chance he would get Sally, he needed to look out for him and his family. Why he even thought for a second, he had a chance to get the baby he didn’t know. It wasn’t like he was any father of the year with Lexi.

“Dad, where were you last night?”

Busted. It looked like all of them were awake and eating breakfast already. His mum was looking at him with a disapproving glare. Ian was giving him that look that Ben was trash but was too scared of their mum to say out loud. He got it; he really did. After Paul died, he went off the rails a bit. He slept around then got with Luke. He wondered if his family thought he was toyboy and gold-digger like all of Luke’s friends and family. Fi wasn’t a fan of his but he was absolutely hated by Luke’s uncle.

It was made clear he wouldn’t be able to get a penny of Luke’s money if they divorced. He signed the papers and didn’t regret it. He didn’t want anything from the man. He regretted that he ever slept with him in the first place.

Luke was strangely jealous even though he brought bloke after bloke to their bed. Ben got used to it, even really liked one of them. Matt was everything that Luke wasn’t. He was young, fun and nice, but Luke thought there was something going on between them and Matt never came back.

“Mornin’ baby, I was at a friend’s,” he said, picking her up and giving her a hug.

“Your husband’s not going to like that,” Ian said snidely.

Everyone seemed to have heard about his personal life and he didn’t want to talk about it. Instead of being baited by Ian, he carried Lexi to the table and sat her down by her chair.

“Why did I hear about my son being married from Linda Carter?” His mum looked torn between livid and sad.

“Wanted it to be small, not many were there.” He hadn’t wanted anyone from his family to know about it.

“Well, what’s going on with you? Is it over between you? If you got married, I think you should try and work through it. Especially if you adopted his daughter.”

Linda must have heard everything that was said in the Vic. He was shocked his mum was saying this about Luke, seeing as his father was her rapist. “Because you and Ian always stayed in your marriages for the kids, right?”

She had a guilty face, but Ian looked mad. Just because he was gay and not straight didn’t mean he should stay in a relationship with a toxic person like Luke. He finally was away from Luke Browning and his manipulative ways and he wasn’t going back. He looked over at Lola, making sure she kept her mouth shut. She knew more than anyone, she was the only one that he wanted to know about it.

“This isn’t about us,” Ian said, shifting the attention back to Ben.

“Leave it,” his mum said.

“I’m going to shower; I’ll be back down in a bit.”

He had drunk too much last night, he couldn’t risk that again. If Callum wouldn’t have let him stay the night Luke may have found him on his way back to Ian’s. He would have to apologize to Callum, he knew he probably said or did something embarrassing. From the little bit he knew of Callum, he was a good person. He reminded Ben of Paul in that way; Paul would have helped anyone.

“So, we’re not getting a name of this ‘friend’?” Ian asked. Ben ignored him. Ian was his brother not his father, he didn’t owe him an explanation. Not that he would give one to Phil either.

“If you must know, I got pissed and passed out at Callum and Whitney’s. They were kind enough not to shove me out the door.”

“Callum is too kind of a person to do something like that. You’d have been out on your ear if you showed up here like that,” Ian blustered.

Ben rolled his eyes and headed upstairs; he didn’t need to listen to Ian. What he did need to do was sort out why he thought something had happened between him and Callum.

* * *

He didn’t get out of bed until he heard the door close this morning. Callum didn’t want to face Ben after the near kiss and Ben saying he knew it. Ben was too close to his secret. Though it went against his nature to not help someone that needed it, he would have to avoid the man. He remembered last night and how much he wanted to kiss Ben. If Whitney hadn’t come home, he was sure it would’ve happened. Then he thought about Ben not being in any state to consent to anything last night and felt guilty. Ben probably didn’t even remember about last night, at least Callum hoped he didn’t remember.

“He gone?” Whitney asked. She had just come out of the shower and had a towel wrapped around her. She really was a beautiful woman.

“You’re walking around like that and ain’t sure he’s gone?” he asked smiling at her.

She laughed. “Not like I got anything he wants to see. You on the other hand,” she said, grabbing him and pulling him to her. He really does love her, she’s his everything.

Later that day he was finishing up with a client, an elderly woman whose husband passed away after a long illness. This was his second funeral arrangement without Jay looking over his shoulder and helping out. He was good with people, always had been. While he was good at this job it wasn’t something he wanted to do forever.

“I don’t know what I’m going to do now,” Grace Kingsley said. She looked so lost and frail.

“How can I help?” he asked, he would do anything for her. It didn’t matter if she wanted him to even do her shopping, he’d do it.

“Nothing luv, I have to start living for myself soon, don’t I? Did I tell you I married him when I was just seventeen? I was going to have a baby, and that just wasn’t done without a husband. Tim went all out asking me to marry him. When our Nathan was born, he would go on and on about how chuffed he was to be a dad.”

“Seems like you lucked out on the father,” he said. Most people just wanted to talk, he would listen and add bits. After he said it, he thought it might be overstepping and was going to apologize when she spoke up.

“No, I didn’t. The baby’s father was an absolute bastard.” His eyes widened at the language. “But then there was my Tim. He’d been my bezzie since I was a girl. He was what people called funny. He weren’t ever going to marry a girl for the normal reasons. But he was always my best mate, we got married and had sixty-one years of a happy marriage. Raised a handsome, caring and strong son together. It wasn’t what most folks think of marriage. We both found our loves after Nathan was grown. I lost my David ten years ago and Tim lost his Bert six years ago. It was just us again after that, now it’s just me.”

Callum didn’t know think of all that she had just said. “Didn’t you want to marry David?”

“Of course not.”

He worried about offending her but had to ask. “Why?”

“Because Tim was me husband. If we divorced it felt like saying we didn’t love each other anymore.”

“But didn’t it feel like living a lie?”

“Absolutely not. It’s not a lie when the people who matter most know the truth. I always knew Tim would never be attracted to me; truth be told I wasn’t attracted to him. But you have to think back then if people knew he’d be arrested. It changed a few years into our marriage, but it still weren’t safe. We had a great life, there can be no lies in a good relationship.”

Callum thought about what the woman had said after she left. He was lying to Whitney; it didn’t matter his reasons. He couldn’t continue their relationship without her knowing the truth, then leaving it up to her what would happen. The love was real, but it wasn’t the love that should be there. They didn’t have a baby or risking getting arrested if people knew the truth. But he was worried about how Stuart would take it. His priority had to be Whitney; he would deal with Stuart later.

“I thought you were going to be late,” Whitney said, giving him a smile when he walked into the flat.

He forced a smile. “Thought I got lost on the way home?”

“Funny. So, what do you want to do tonight?” she asked, giving him a blinding smile.

“Actually, we need to talk.”

* * *

Ben needed a breather away from his family. He loved Lexi but after the tenth story for the night he needed a break. Lola had gone out with Jay for some drinks. His mum agreed to keep an ear out for Lexi. She did lecture him some that he shouldn’t do anything he would regret. She was torn, she wanted him in a happy marriage with his husband, but she hated who his husband was. Luke being James’ son was not a tick in his favor. She had no clue how much Luke was like his father.

“Fancy seeing you tonight.”

Ben couldn’t believe he could be so stupid. He shouldn’t be walking around; it was too much of a risk. Now Luke was there, and he would have to speak to him.

“What do you want?” he asked, not looking at the car driving next to him.

“I want you in this car, now.”

“I don’t listen to you anymore,” he said before crossing the street.

“I would think twice about trying to show a spine now, Ben. You know what I have on you,” Luke said loud enough for him to hear.

That stopped Ben in his tracks. Luke used information on Phil to get him to go with him in the first place. But now he had dirt on Ben, he wasn’t the only one. Ben had collected some on him too. The only problem was, he didn’t have the evidence anymore. He had to leave most of it when he ran.

Knowing that Luke wouldn’t leave until he spoke to him, Ben got into his car. He let out a breath of relief when they pulled to a stop not far away. It was a hotel, probably where Luke was staying while he tried to scare him.

“What do you want?” Ben asked, not getting out of the car. If he did go to the hotel room with Luke nothing good could come from it.

“I have an offer for you that I think you’ll take.”

“I doubt it but go ahead.”

“I’ll give you the divorce, won’t go after child support and even give you spousal support.”

Red flags were going up everywhere. Luke never gave, he always took. If he gave Ben anything he always took double back. The house he ‘gave’ Ben after they married wasn’t in his name or anything, so Ben didn’t think it had a price tag on it. He was wrong, that was when Ben had to do some of Luke’s shiftier dealings. Luke was in business with a shady man by the name of Creighton, he couldn’t risk being seen with him. Ben had to be the runner on some shady dealings for a few months. He was sure now it was so Luke would have the evidence of his illegal dealings. With his past, he was a perfect scapegoat.

In the beginning it hurt to think Luke never really him, but after seeing his possessiveness when he didn’t, Ben was scared to think of what it would look like if Luke really did love him.

“What deal?”

“I just need you to go on one little trip. You can even take a mate with you.” Luke knew Ben only had Lola and Jay, and there was no way he would be mixing them up in this. Lexi needed her mum around. Jay would be the choice, but he needed Jay to stay to look after Lola and Lexi.

“Fine, last trip. After this I want a divorce, we both keep want we brought into the marriage, I don’t want anything from you.”

“Deal.”

Ben knew he just made a deal with the devil, his soul for his freedom.


	5. A Place to Run

His life as he knew it was over, Whitney was gone. She had packed her things and went to Stacey’s. He had told her everything but let her know he wanted to stay together. She said they both deserved better, he wasn’t sure there was better than her. It wasn’t like he was proposing being with her and having a bit on the side. He just wanted to be honest with her, but he would always be faithful. She thought that he would eventually give into temptation, no matter what he said.

The whole day he had been avoiding Stuart, he loved his brother, but he was a bit much. Sooner or later he would have to tell but not today. He wished he could just get away for a few days, just so he wouldn’t see Whitney. But he had work and didn’t think he should ask Jay so soon after being given responsibilities in the parlor.

Thoughts were bouncing all around in his head when someone bumped into him. It was Ben Mitchell once again, Callum jumped back.

“Woah, sailor, watch where you’re goin’.”

“Sorry,” Callum mumbled, turning to leave.

“Wait, I wanted to thank you for letting me crash at yours. Whitney couldn’t have been happy about it if she knew. I left before she saw me.”

“She came home early; she knew you were there.”

“Oh. Still, sorry.”

“It’s alright. It’s over anyway,” he blurted out.

“What’s over? You and Whit?”

“Yeah,” he said looking down at his feet.

“Why? Thought you two were happy.”

“We were.” He looked at Ben seeing if he really didn’t remember.

Ben’s eyes widened. “Wait a minute. Did we kiss?” he asked.

“No, but only because Whitney came back. I shouldn’t of anyway. You were blathered, it would be taking advantage.”

“Mate, I’ve been more drunk and done worse blokes than you. Hell, I pretty much don’t remember a few nights when I tried to get over Paul.”

“That before you met Luke?”

It was like throwing an ice bucket over Ben, his jovial mood was gone. He looked a mixture between upset and angry.

“Anyway, don’t feel bad about nothing. You could have gone a whole lot further is just what I’m saying.”

That broke Callum’s heart, Ben thought so little of himself that he would be willing to get off with blokes that he couldn’t remember the next day. Then there was Ben’s relationship with Luke, he clearly didn’t love him. What was the story there?

“Where are you going?” Callum asked instead of talking about Ben’s behavior.

“Away for a week. After that I should be able to get my divorce. I need to find someone to have my back, but I can’t ask it of Jay, he’s legit now.”

“I’ll go,” Callum said without thinking.

“What? I thought you were a do-gooder to the core, Cal.”

“I am but like you said, it’s just to watch your back.”

“Knew you’d like that view,” Ben said with a laugh before getting serious again. “This isn’t a holiday; it might get a little dangerous.”

“I know, I need to get away for awhile and helping people is kind of my thing. But I’ll have to ask Jay.”

“Leave Jay to me. Go pack for a week, pack the grubbiest clothes you got with one nice set.”

As Callum walked away he worried about what he just signed himself up for.

* * *

“Ah, Mr. Charles, it’s a pleasure to finally meet you,” a posh man with perfectly combed silver hair said to Ben. He had introduced himself as Nathan Chandler. 

“Thanks, uh, this is my associate, Isaac Newton.” Ben paused, a smirk gracing his face before adding, “No relation.”

Callum was going to kill Ben. Couldn’t he have thought of a better alias for him than Isaac bleeding Newton? The grin on Ben’s face told him he didn’t even try. Callum hoped the insane name didn’t land them in it.

The posh man looked him up and down, seemingly finding him lacking in whatever he was looking for. “Right,” he said like Callum was something he found on the bottom of his shoe.

The man turned back towards Ben, who was dressed to the nines. He scrubbed up well, really well. He told Callum to wear his suit today, not the grubby clothes they had been in for the last four days. Apparently according to Ben, if you dress down in stained clothes and looked like they were living rough, no one would notice them. And he was right, no one looked at them, pointedly didn’t look at them.

“May I call you Evan?” the man asked Ben.

“Certainly. What shall I call you?” Ben said with a leer.

Callum’s stomach turned with the undertones of this meeting. Ben told him what to expect, so far everything had gone to plan. That was until Ben started flirting with the target, he hadn’t told him about that. Callum’s job was to make sure that Ben didn’t do anything stupid, something that both Jay and Ben himself told him he was prone to do.

“That alright, Isaac?” Ben said, shaking Callum’s arm. He guessed he had missed Ben saying something to him.

“Uh…yeah, that’s fine,” he said, not knowing what he’s agreeing with.

“Right, I’ll met you back at the hotel,” Ben said.

“Wait, what?” What had he missed?

“I’m going back to Nathan’s office, just to work some things out,” Ben said, looking from Callum to the other man. Callum noticed Ben’s eyes were bluer than normal. Callum felt like he was missing something. Why had he let his mind wander when he was supposed to be keeping an eye on Ben?

“I don’t think that’s a good idea, we have that appointment,” he said, not knowing if it was the right thing to say. Ben didn’t look worried, but Ben Mitchell was good at covering his emotions.

“Nonsense, you can reschedule. Unless you really want to end our business together,” Nathan Chandler said.

“Isaac, I cancelled that appointment, sorry for not telling you. I’ll see you back at the hotel later,” Ben said, glaring at Callum.

Ben left him shocked about how angry he got. All Callum was trying to do was read the situation, he was supposed to be watching over Ben after all.

Fine, if Ben wanted to play that, he could do what he wanted. Callum would wait until he came back to the hotel, even though something felt off to him.

* * *

Ben hoped Callum got the message he was trying to convey to him. The plan had been a simple con, Luke had him do this scam several times before. It was a clean job, sale a fictional piece of land. The mark was always someone unlikely to cause any problems after losing a load of money. He thinks he understood the reason this guy might not go to the authorities. This guy probably had a wife and family somewhere, Luke would expect Ben doing nothing less of everything to close the deal.

Ben wanted to be done with Luke so he would do what was needed. That didn’t mean that he didn’t want Callum nearby. Something about this guy was creeping him out. Something wasn’t right. Ben had been with a few creeps in his life, he was married to one after all. He learned it was the ones with all the money that thought they were untouchable, his own father included.

The car slowed down in front of a hotel not an office building; he was having a flashback of Luke doing the same. And just like before his brain was screaming at him not to go into that place. But he knew he needed to do this; it was the only way to get Luke out of his life.

He looked around before walking in the lobby doors, he didn’t see Callum. He hoped the man was somewhere near, he had a very bad feeling about this.

“This way,” Nathan said, walking in front of Ben, just expecting to be followed. It was starting to annoy him.

The hotel wasn’t one that he thought the posh man would stay at, it looked rundown. Ben guessed if he just wanted to get his needs met then the where didn’t matter. All Ben wanted to do was go back to his and Callum’s hotel, which was much better than this one. They were sharing a room but that was all, too bad, Ben thought Callum might be wild in bed.

Nathan used a key to get into the room, not a keycard, that was how old and rundown the place was. Nathan smiled, it felt off, and allowed Ben to go in front of him inside the room. His brain was screaming again to turn around and run, but this was the only way to be rid of Luke once and for all.

It was eerie how dark the room was as he entered it was daylight outside after all. The door shut behind him, blanketing the room in darkness.

“You didn’t really think I would let you go, did you?”

Luke. He had known it was a setup but had convinced himself it wasn’t. He had known the deal was too good to be true. He didn’t even see the fist that knocked him to the ground. This was were he was going to die, he knew it. Maybe with him gone Jay would adopt Lexi, he hoped so, she deserved better than a screw-up like him that walked to his own death.


	6. Broken

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning Violence

Callum hoped he wasn’t making a mug of himself. He had almost gone back to their hotel, but he made a promise and he would stick to it. It wasn’t hard to follow in their rental, Ben and his ‘mate’, didn’t go far. But it wasn’t an office building they stopped outside of, it was a derelict hotel. It looked like it belonged in a horror movie, not open for business. He watched Ben get out of the other car along with the man. Ben didn’t look distressed but that wasn’t something he was willing to bet his safety on.

He quietly followed the two men to the building. When Ben stopped and looked around, he ducked behind a pillar. When they were moving again Callum started following them again. They got on the lift, so he wasn’t able to follow that way. He watched the floors to see were the lift stopped. When it stopped on the 3rd floor he took to the stairs. Just as he came out of stairwell, he saw something that worried him. The man they had met was shutting a room door and left quickly. What was going on?

Creeping up to the door after Nathan was well gone, he put his ear to the door. There was no sound except muffled cries and the sound of hitting. Callum tried to open the door but it was locked. Banging on the door didn’t work either. He could hear Ben shout from inside, it sounded like from pain.

“BEN! I’M HERE, I’LL GET YOU I PROMISE!” he yelled. He started hitting the door, trying to break it open. After many times of trying to bring the door down, his shoulder was on fire, but he didn’t stop. The door barely moved, for such an old building it was put together well.

The noise on the other side of the room got louder, he could hear Ben yelling something but couldn’t make out what. Ben had been in there too long with whoever was in there. They could be doing anything to him. There was a sudden loud bang, like something heavy hitting the wall. It was followed by eerie silence.

“BEN! BEN! ANSWER ME! WHOEVER YOU ARE YOU BETTER OPEN THIS DOOR RIGHT NOW!” he yelled.

The stepped back several paces and took a run for the door just as it opened. He hit the door then fell in as it opened. Someone started to step over him, he grabbed their leg and pulled them down. He knew it wasn’t Ben, this person was taller and bulker.

He grabbed the struggling man and flipped him over to where he was on top of him. It was dark in the room but the light from the hallway gave him just enough to see who it was.

“You son of a bitch,” he said, holding the man in place. It was Ben’s husband; the one Ben was so scared of.

“If you know what’s good for you, you’ll let me up,” Luke said carefully. He didn’t look as worried as Callum had hoped.

“Not until the police get here,” Callum said, pulling out his mobile with one hand but keeping his weight and other hand on the man’s throat. Callum was not a violent person at all, in fact he was practically a pacifist, but this man was evil. 

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you. You were here to pull a real estate scam. They’d have Ben back behind bars before you can sneeze.”

“Let ‘im go,” a quiet, raspy voice said.

Callum looked over to where the voice came from, he couldn’t see Ben, but he knew he was there.

“Ben, I can’t.”

“Yes, you can. Let ‘im go, Cal.” The voice was a little stronger but not by much.

Against his better judgement, he got off the man. The tosser stood and left without a backwards glance. Callum got up and hit the light switch. The room was bathed in warm yellow light.

“Oh god,” he whispered when he saw Ben…or what was left of him.

Ben had his arm wrapped around the curtain, trying to pull himself into a sitting position. His suit was ripped completely off of him. His whole body was covered in light coloured bruises. Callum knew they would darken soon, and he would be a horrible map of black and blue. That wasn’t even the worst of it, his face was almost unrecognizable. His eyes were swollen shut and had a huge cut on his cheek.

“I need to get you to A&E,” he said.

“It’s alright,” Ben said coughing into his hand.

Callum saw blood in Ben’s hand and didn’t give him a choice, he dialed 999.

By the time the ambulance got there, Ben had lost consciousness. It scared him, one minute he was saying he was fine the next he was out. When the ambulance got there and said only family could go with him, a little white lie came out of his mouth.

“He’s my fiancé,” he told them.

He had only known Ben over a week all together, but he felt something for him. What that was he couldn’t be too sure. All he knew was Ben was hurting and Callum would be there for him.

“What’s his name?” the paramedic asked.

“Ben Mitchell.”

“What happened to him?”

“He was attacked, I don’t know by who. I came looking for him and he was like this,” he lied.

The female paramedic looked at him with disbelieving eyes. He didn’t blame her, it looked bad.

A piercing noise broke him out of his thoughts.

“What’s going on?” he asked even though he knew.

The paramedic didn’t answer, she had a job to do. Her job at the moment was to get Ben’s heart to restart.

* * *

“But Daddy hasn’t rang and he knows I’m poorly,” Lexi pouted.

Lola was ready to tear her hair out; her daughter had her father’s flair for dramatics. Before Ben had never really been in Lexi’s life, Lola hadn’t realized how much Lexi was starved for him to be there. She was sure that Lexi wouldn’t have been so enthralled with the idea of her father if not for the kids at school talking about their fathers.

In the short time Ben had been back in Lexi’s life, she was so taken with him. It drove Lola mad sometimes, here she was taking care of her day after day through everything and Johnny-come-lately shows up and she’s boring mum.

“He’ll ring, but you still have to brush your teeth. With all the sugar you talk your granddad, Pop and Jay to give you they’ll fall out.”

She huffed. “You’ll get me if he rings?”

“Of course,” she told her daughter. Lexi ran upstairs to brush her teeth.

“He won’t ring, he’s not exactly Mr. Dependable is he,” Ian said.

“He better if he knows what’s good for ‘im.” She would cut his bollocks off if he didn’t. If he was off with some bloke while their daughter waited up for him, he would live to regret it.

“Maybe you should ring him, you know Ben.”

She rolled her eyes but did just that. There were two rings before it was picked up.

“Hello?” a familiar voice said.

“You’re not Ben,” she said.

“No, it’s Callum.”

“Callum? Oh, yeah, I forgot you went off with Ben. I hope he didn’t get you into trouble.”

“No, it’s him that’s in trouble. Oh, god, I should have called his mother.”

“You’re scaring me. What’s wrong with Ben?” she asked. Ian’s attention now was on her, he looked worried now.

“You need to get his family here. He’s alive, but there is something you should know. I just think it would be best if you hear it from the doctor.”


	7. Wake Up

It had been almost two months since Ben had been beaten to death then brought back, it was a miracle they were able to bring him back in the ambulance. Ever since he lost consciousness he had been in a coma. Callum tried to visit as much as he could, it was hard because he just had his police assessment. When Ben was first hurt the police suspected him, he had a lot of questions to answer. As much as he wanted to tell them who hurt Ben, he knew Ben hadn’t wanted that. So, he kept his gob shut, even if it was killing him.

Most people came to see Ben regularly, some not as much as others. In the beginning they all came daily. Kathy hadn’t even left for the first few days. She shows up every other day now, she does have her own life after all. Phil shows up sporadically at best, Callum guessed after the first week he had shown up a total of three times. Ian shows up every Thursday morning like clockwork. Jay came as much as his schedule would allow. Lola brough Lexi several times during the week. If Lexi found out that Callum was going to see Ben, she would tag along. All of Ben’s nurses and doctors had learned Callum’s name he had been there so much. One nurse kept sweets for Lexi when she showed up with him. Callum came every day, it didn’t matter if it was early or late, they let him in to see Ben.

The hospital staff thinking he was Ben’s fiancé helped him get in and be seen, none of Ben’s family corrected them. Their biggest problem was that Ben was married and the doctor had wanted to speak to his husband. Thankfully, Ben had made a living will after he married Luke. Lola was his power of attorney. She said she hadn’t wanted it, but Ben begged her. She said he was scared of Luke and what would happen if he made decisions for him. It looked like he was right. While Callum didn’t tell Lola, who attacked Ben he thought maybe she suspected.

“When is he going to wake up?” Lexi asked for the hundredth time that day.

“When he’s better,” Callum told her.

He had brought Lexi with him today because Lola had work. Lola wouldn’t let Lexi come until Ben’s face healed some, with was two weeks before he was recognizable. Lexi had cried and gone home the first time she saw him. She was better now but so was Ben, after two months his face was almost completely healed. He was even growing some hair where they had to shave to relieve some pressure on his brain. They were able to repair his lung; it had been why he was coughing blood. He had broken two ribs; they were healed now.

“I want him better now,” she whined. He didn’t blame her he wanted him well too.

It was funny in a not-very-funny way, he barely knew Ben but felt like he knew him forever. So many people sat there and told him stories about the younger man. Good, bad and really bad. Jay told him funny stories about him and Ben when they were younger. He would have never guessed they used to not like each other; they were closer than brothers now. Ian had told Callum what Ben was like as a baby, before he went bad according to Ian. Kathy told him stories about South Africa and her beautiful, sweet son who disappeared once he came to Walford and Phil. Lola told him stories about seeing the beginnings of a great father, if he would just let himself be.

Two people he only heard about came and saw Ben, Pam and Les. Pam had shared stories of Ben and Paul. Then about her grief causing her to blame Ben. He couldn’t imagine what they had been through. The biggest surprise had been Shirley, she was angry and not at Ben. She told Callum about Ben’s friendship with Heather, a friendship that ultimately lead to Heather’s death. Ben was such an enigma to him.

“Grandad says he misses him,” Lexi said quietly.

“I’m sure he does, loads of people miss him.”

She shook her head. “Nah, people don’t like Dad, I don’t know why though. I think he did something bad. Do you know if he did something bad?”

He knew the reason, Ben killing Heather Trott. He had been a teen, but he had done it. But it wasn’t his place to tell Lexi.

“Sorry, luv, I don’t,” he lied.

Somethings he learned about the man he was attracted to just by looks and the cheeky way about him, Lexi was so much like her father. But there was a darkness about Ben, something that was a bit terrifying, it was something he had only seen a bit of. Everyone he’d talked to, Ben’s mother included hinted that Ben might not be right in the head. He wondered if it was nature or nurture.

Ben and Lola were just children when she was born, Callum couldn’t imagine having that responsibility at such a young age. Of course, from what he knew Ben was an absentee dad at best until recently. From what Lola told him Ben had run to her when Luke was too much, although he didn’t share why until the last time he left. Ben was too stubborn, had too much pride to ask for help. The only reason he chose her, according to her, was she didn’t ask questions.

Lexi sang to Ben and after an hour Lola was there to take her home.

“You should go home, you can’t keep coming here all the time,” she told him.

“It was my fault he got hurt, I should’ve followed closer. I shouldn’t have let him out of my sight. I promised that I would have his back, look what happened.”

“Ben wouldn’t blame you. How were you to know someone was going to attack him. Ben makes enemies like most people change clothes. He’s not the easiest person to like.”

“You don’t understand. I promised.” He wouldn’t budge on that; he had failed Ben. He wouldn’t let him wake up to no one there with him.

“Well, I’ll let you know something about Ben Mitchell. Whatever kindness you show him, he’ll spit in your face for it. There was only one person who made Ben kind and think about others and he’s dead.”

“What about Jay? I thought they were best mates.”

“Ben would die for Jay, but that doesn’t mean he’s a good person. If you had known him before everything went wrong, before Heather, you would have seen a little of the him before. Phil has killed whatever that was good in Ben, what’s left is a thug. Maybe one day he’ll find someone to love him again, fight and get through to him that maybe he’s not as unlovable as he believes he is.”

Lexi picked that moment to come back into the room after going to the nurses’ station for candy. “Mum is Dad awake?” she asked hopefully.

“No, sweetheart, not yet. Come, let’s get home, you’ve got school in the morning.”

After they were gone, Callum stayed a few more hours and left. One of the nurses had mentioned that Ben was showing signs of waking in the next few days. It didn’t happen like telly were they just woke right up; it could be as long as a week. Like every day, he hoped the next day would be different.

* * *

“Can you tell me your name?”

He looked at the woman standing by his bed. She was a pretty blonde that looked like she was ready to go home. “My name?” he asked, he knew it. At least he thought he did but every time he tried to remember; it was just out of reach. “I’m not sure.”

“That’s alright. Do you know the year?”

“The year?” What was the year? He tried to think of one, but nothing came. “I-I’m not sure.”

“It’s alright. Your doctor will be here in a moment.”

“Alright. Thanks.”

“No problem, luv.”

She had only been gone a few minutes when another woman came in. “Oh, you’re awake. Callum will be chuffed when he gets here. I’ve never seen a man love as much as that lad loves you.”

“Callum?”

“Your fiancé.”

“My fiancé?” He had a fiancé and he was a bloke. Why couldn’t he remember…anything? It was all blank, well, all the stuff about him and his life was. He did quick maths in his head, yeah, he still had that knowledge. It was just him and his life that was blank. He had a fiancé that he didn’t know from Adam. What else was there that he didn’t know?

“The doctor will be here soon,” the nurse told him before shuffling off.

Not long after an older woman with dark complexion and her mouth a firm line came in. She asked him a lot of questions and finally gave him the name to why he couldn’t remember. Retrograde amnesia. She said his memory should come back with time but couldn’t say that was going to happen for sure.

After she left and he was alone, he tried to remember his life. All he had was his name now and the name of his fiancé, Callum. He wondered what he was like. He did know he must be gay because the thought of having a male lover didn’t have him recoil, just nervous. What would this Callum think now he couldn’t remember? What was their life like together? The nurse didn’t mention anything about a family. Did he have one? What if he were an orphan?

Just as he was starting to lose it a man came in. He was thin, not too tall with short red hair.

“Didn’t know you were awake mate. Thought Callum would have rang us.”

“So, you’re not Callum?”

“Uh, no. How hard did you hit your head?”

“Am I an orphan?”

“What? No. But you’re still a drama queen so you can’t be that bad off.”

“Who are you?”

“What? Jay.”

The man looked confused and a bit hurt if he were honest.

“I’m sorry,” he said, seeing the look on the man. He didn’t want to hurt anyone’s feelings.

“You’re sorry? Well the hell is going on with you Ben. I think I can count on one hand how many times you actually apologized.”

“Well, it seems to be that I’m having bit of trouble remembering things.”

“Things like what?”

“Oh, ya know, who you are, who I am, the name of everyone I’ve ever known. I don’t even know my own birthday.”

The man’s mouth dropped. “What do you mean you don’t remember anything. Nothing?”

“Nothing. Well, that’s not true. I remember maths, reading, little bit of chemistry, things like that. But people and things, no.”

Before the man could say anything more the door swung open and a woman and small girl walked through. The little girl had long blonde hair and big blue eyes that widened when she saw him.

“Daddy!” she squealed before running and launching herself onto the bed and him.

He winced in pain as the girl hit his sore body. He didn’t know what had happened to him, but he was hurting, not a lot but some.

“Lexi get down, you’re going to hurt ‘im,” the blonde woman said.

“She’s alright,” he said, situating the little girl on the bed next to him. It wasn’t much room, but she was a small girl.

“I told Mum today would be the day you woke up,” the girl chattered.

“She did, but she’s also said that every day for two months,” the woman said.

“Two months. That’s how long I’ve been here?” he asked, disbelieving.

“Yeah, what happened? Callum found you afterwards, he didn’t see the guy,” she said.

“Uh…Lo, can I talk to you in the hallway?” the man, Jay, asked the woman.

He figured it was to tell her about the memory thing without scaring the girl. His guess the little blonde girl was his daughter, calling him daddy was a bit of a giveaway. He hoped he read the situation right. The woman looked too young to have a daughter this age, and he didn’t know his own but didn’t think it was that old. Teenage pregnancy…had to be. Was he gay or bi? He didn’t know. How could he remember all these words, terms and such but not remember if he has a daughter or not.

The woman and man opened the door to step out when a tall, handsome man stepped in.

“You’re awake,” the man said with a bright smile, it was nice.

“That’s what they say,” he said instead of asking the man who he was. He didn’t think it was time to let the girl know about his memory loss. The man was easy on the eyes but what if he was his brother or something and said something inappropriate. It was best to stay quiet; he didn’t want to make anyone sad.


	8. Confessions

“Callum look Daddy’s awake,” Lexi said, smiling, bouncing a little on the bed, causing the man in it to grimace.

“I see that.” Callum smiled shyly at the two, Ben looked different…and it wasn’t the lopsided haircut because of the surgery. It was the eyes, gone was the haunted look that was always there since he met him. They were clear, bright and a little vacant to be honest.

“Callum? So, my mysterious fiancé finally shows his face,” Ben said with a small smile. Callum knew he should explain.

“Callum come step outside with us, just a tick,” Jay said.

Callum looked over and saw Lola and Jay at the door. It looked like Jay had something to say, so Callum nodded. Jay lead Lola and him out into the hallway, shutting the door leaving Lexi inside with Ben.

“What’s going on?” Lola demanded.

“It’s Ben. He don’t remember nothing,” Jay said.

Callum was confused. “What do you mean?”

“Just what I said, he don’t remember nothing. Not us, not anything from his life.”

“But Lexi, he seems to know her,” Lola pointed out.

“No, not if you were looking at him. He probably put the pieces together and didn’t want to scare her. But he had no clue who she was, he don’t remember.”

“It’s going to break her heart,” Lola said. Callum had to agree, Lexi adored her father. Ben may not be winning any Father of the Year awards, but that little girl thought he hung the moon just for her.

“Let’s take her back home and explain that he’s not completely well yet,” Jay said.

“He’ll get his memory back, yeah?” Lola asked.

“I don’t know,” Jay said, looking worn out.

“We best get back in there,” Callum said.

“Oi, Callum. I was thinking, maybe we should just let Ben believe he’s your fiancé,” Lola said, stopping them.

“Why?”

“If he don’t remember us, he don’t remember Luke. If Luke shows his face telling Ben he’s his husband, things could go bad fast,” Lola said. Callum shivered at the thought.

“I know Luke is a tosser but it’s not like he’s some comic book villain,” Jay said.

“I think Lola’s right. We all knew Ben didn’t want Luke anymore, this will just make it easier.” Callum hated not telling the real reason for Ben being in this condition in the first place, but he wouldn’t allow Luke to get in because he lied. Callum hated lying to begin with, but they seemed to be piling up now.

“Alright, but I don’t like lying to Ben,” Jay said, making his stance known.

Once they were back in the room, they listened to Lexi chatter, telling Ben about all the things he missed while he was asleep. Ben sat there with a smile listening to her talk about people he had no clue about.

The rest of Lexi’s visit was rather short. Callum could see how much energy it was taking for Ben to stay awake. Lexi whined but she left knowing Ben needed his rest.

“You’re going to stay with him, right Callum?” she asked before leaving.

“Until they kick me out,” he promised her.

It was quiet after that; Ben fell back asleep and Callum was left alone with his thoughts. He wasn’t sure he was doing the right thing but knew that Luke couldn’t get his hands on Ben again. Especially now in his vulnerable state. From all the stories he’s been told over the two months about Ben, he hated seeming vulnerable. Phil had always been too hard on him. He found out that Ian had tried to protect Ben, tried to keep him after they thought Kathy was dead. But Phil wouldn’t hear of it, he wanted his son. It was a pride thing and nothing else. There were some parts of Ben’s childhood people glossed over and that made Callum more curious. They talked about Ben coming to live to Phil then about Ben coming back after serving his time for killing that woman. Apparently, that wasn’t the only time Ben had been locked up, people were very quiet about Ben’s life from eleven to eighteen. He knew that somewhere in between Lexi’s creation happened. Lola had told him it was just because Ben thought he was gay. They had sex to test the theory out…yep, gay.

Callum had been twenty-eight when he lost his virginity…well to a woman. He had never been with a man, not from lack of wanting it though. He just now was coming to terms with being gay, yet it still felt like a dream. Whitney had understood, been hurt but understood. He had hoped people wouldn’t find out but news spreads in Walford. Mick had rung him the other day after hearing the news, it had taken a while to make its way to him. He had been understanding and kind, it hurt because he knew his own father would never accept him the way Mick had. Stuart was trying and that was all he could ask for. He had wished that his brother hadn’t moved in, he loved Stuart, but he was a lot on a good day.

Someone quietly knocked on the door, drawing him out of his thoughts. Turning he saw Ben’s sister Louise.

“I heard he woke up,” she said, pulling the only other chair beside Ben’s bed and sitting down. You could tell by looking at her now that she was expecting. The Mitchell kids seemed to have kids young.

“He was but he fell back asleep, the doctor said that waking up takes a lot of energy, he’ll be groggy and sleeping for a few more days. That’s how long they want him for observation but hoping that in two days he’ll be released,” he told her.

“He was a bad big brother, ya know.” She was looking at Ben, not Callum as she spoke. “He had his moments though. I think if it wasn’t for dad, he could have been a really good person. I don’t know, I didn’t get to meet him before that. One time when I was little and visiting Dad, I saw it but didn’t understand. We were messing around, practicing a dance with lip-syncing and everything. Dad came in and turned the music off, I didn’t understand why Ben blamed it on me. I didn’t understand what my dad feared from Ben, that’s a lie, I did. I just understand why Ben was so scared of Dad. Dad gave me six weeks of dance class. Any guess what he gave Ben?”

Callum had no clue, but he was willing to bet not dance lessons. “No guess.”

“Football trainers. Ben hates football always has. He’s tried to like it for Dad, but he hates it. In fact, I think he probably would have at least cared a little about it if it weren’t for Dad always pushing it on him. You know because gays don’t play football,” she scoffed.

“Yes, we do,” he said, feeling a little braver to say it. He knew she probably had already heard.

“Of course, you should have seen some of the blokes Ben copped off with, Dad would have been shocked. But that was only after Paul, Paul didn’t hide from anyone. I think the biggest thing besides love he got from Paul was confidence to be himself. Too bad his self is right tosser most of the time. He was better with Paul because Paul loved him for who he was, faults and everything. Ben doesn’t believe he’s worth being loved. A lot has helped cause it but it’s mostly Dad. Without Dad, Ben would have never hit Jordan with that spanner. Ben said that Dad was always after him to take care of his bullies himself. Ben would just let them bully him and get over with it, his life was miserable, but he got to come home every night. Then he hit Jordan and left him there. After he got out, he was very much different. I don’t know what happened in there, and I wasn’t around when he got out. But from what I heard; he was not himself.

“I’m not saying he was fine before going in, he had issues because of some other stuff. That was what lead him to killing Heather Trott. He was terrified of our Dad. Phil Mitchell is a great father…to me. He’s Ben’s biggest bully, that was until he married Luke.”

He had been so wrapped up in listening to her talk about Ben’s history when she brought up Luke he jumped. Looking at her, she looked him dead in the eye.

“What do you mean?” he asked, hoping that he didn’t give anything away.

“As much as it bothers him, I know him. Abby and I weren’t best of friends either, but Luke scared her. She said they way Luke treated Ben reminding her of watching Stella abuse him. She didn’t want it to happen to him again.”

“Stella? Whose Stella?” he asked.

“I wasn’t here for that either, but she was our almost stepmum. She abused and terrorized Ben for months. She killed herself after Ben told Dad what she was doing.”

“God,” he whispered.

“There are a lot of skeletons in our closets. Make sure you can handle it before you make him fall in love with you.” She stood up, brushing off invisible lent.

“I think you got the wrong idea. I barely know him, I just said I was his fiancé to see him.”

“I know that, but I know Ben, he acts tough but he’s still that little boy begging for someone to love him. It’s why he fell in Luke’s clutches so easy. You’re good, I hope it does work.” She paused, turned and looked at him. “He might be a prat, but you hurt him, and they’ll never find your body.” She smiled at him, but it had a cold edge to it, he had no doubt she was capable of it.


	9. Home

The house was quiet, it made him feel uneasy. He had been ‘home’ for a few hours and after everyone almost suffocated him with attention, that was before they all scattered to the four winds. Now he was alone in a strange house. When he was in hospital he didn’t feel like an intruder, but here he did.

Looking around he saw stuff that was supposed to be his. It wasn’t much because apparently, he had just arrived back before he was hurt. Most of the stuff he had was his before he left a year ago. Seemingly his mum wouldn’t let anyone throw the stuff away. So now he had a stranger’s things in a strange room. That’s what it felt like, Ben Mitchell was a stranger to him.

Not being able to sit still anymore he got up and looked around the meager items in the room. There was a medium sized box filled with clothes. In a little larger box, there was odds and ends. Some books, a few photographs of people that he didn’t really look at, it was when he moved them something caught his attention. Reaching in, he pulled out a small bundle of cards. He unbundled them and took the one on top off and opened it. It was a birthday card written in a child’s handwriting.

_Happy Birthday Mum, I miss you. I wish you were here; Dad shouts a lot. I wish heaven wasn’t so far away. Love you, Ben._

He then looked at the next card, a Christmas card this time.

_Happy Christmas Mum, I love you. I miss you lots and so does Ian. Ben_

There were several more, but he really felt like intruding then reading them. He wondered who they were addressed to because he had met Ben’s mother. He really needed to start thinking of himself as Ben. It felt strange not knowing who you really were. He had learned in the hospital that he needed a hearing aid. He hadn’t even realized that he was having trouble hearing, he thought it was normal. When he found it out, he had asked about his hearing. Apparently, he had been ill as a baby, his mother didn’t go into too much detail. She just said he had meningitis and that was it.

He had seen everyone and their brother in the past two days before coming home. The only one that had noticeably been absent according to everyone else was his father. If the man couldn’t be bothered with coming to see him that was alright, it wasn’t like he cared about some faceless bloke.

Not being able to stand being in the unfamiliar room or house anymore, he decided to go for a walk. The house was suffocating him, he had thought it was just the people, but it was everything. Trying to fit into someone else’s life. He knew in his head that he was Ben Mitchell, son of Phil and Kathy, brother of Ian, Louise, and Dennis. Father of Lexi, best friend of Jay, fiancé of Callum. But he didn’t have any of the man’s memories. He could be a serial killer for all he knew.

When he was released from the hospital, they gave him the stuff he came in with. There was a ring that the Jay bloke said he wore over the scar on his left ring finger. All Jay had told him it was to cover up the scar from having a tattoo removed. He didn’t ask about the tattoo, somehow, he thought it was any of his business. Sliding the ring onto his finger, he grabbed his wallet that also didn’t feel like his.

Leaving the house no one stopped him, but then again, no one was home. There was so much noise on the street that it disoriented him some. The hearing aid picked up a lot but mostly noise. When he listened to people’s conversations it was hard and the closer, he was it echoed.

“I see the dead is walking again,” someone said.

He turned and saw a thin older woman with short blonde hair. It looked like it had been dyed a few times. Her face was severe looking, and her eyes narrowed on him.

“Um…hello?” he said, hoping the woman was talking to someone else.

“I heard you took a few knocks to that thick skull of yours. Have to say I’m surprised it did any damage; wasn’t sure you had any brains left.”

He stared at her. Everyone else had been overly nice to him. But this woman was downright hostile. “I’m sorry, do I know you?” he asked.

She looked like she was sucking on lemons. “Think you’re being funny?” she asked.

“Huh? Listen, I don’t know you. I know you may know me, but I took a few too many hits the head. I don’t remember anyone, my daughter included.” It had broken his heart when the girl’s mother had brought her back the next day. The girl, Lexi, had asked if he really didn’t know her. He had to admit he didn’t. She cried for a good ten minutes until she wiped her eyes, stuck out her chin and told him “you will”. You had to give her credit; she was a tough little thing.

“You’re joking,” she said.

“Why would I? What kind of sick person would make up somethin’ like that? I haven’t the foggiest idea who you are. All I wanted to do was take a walk, you’re free to walk with me if you’d like,” he offered.

“Think I’ll pass,” she said, glowering at him before turning and walking away. With a shrug he continued on his way.

“Ben!” someone shouted.

He had been standing in front of a pub called The Queen Victoria, debating if he should go in and have a drink. He was off all the strong medicine so it wouldn’t affect him badly.

Looking over at where the shout came from, he saw Callum, his fiancé coming his way.

“Alright?” he asked the taller man as he neared.

“You’re asking me? What are you doing here? I thought your family were throwing a big home welcoming.”

“They did but they all had more important stuff to do. It’s alright, they are a bit much.”

“I’m sorry I wasn’t there. I had to work. I’m off now, do you want to get a pint?” he asked, pointing at the pub.

“Sure, but as my fiancé I need you to do something for me,” he said, stepping closer to the other man.

Callum’s eyes widened and he swallowed loudly. “I-I don’t think,” he started to say, stepping back from Ben.

“Calm down, I wasn’t propositioning ya. I don’t sleep with people I don’t know. Well, I’m not positive on that, I’ll have to get back to you on it. But what I’m saying is this isn’t that. I do have to say you being my fiancé and not wanting to bed me after two months is a little sad for me, but I’ll live. What I was going to ask is if you could keep everyone from stopping and having a chat. I’m just not ready for the “What’s wrong with Ben?” chat a hundred times today. Is that alright?”

Callum smiled that innocent smile Ben had noticed about him. “Oh, yeah. That I can do.”

Ben smiled. “My hero.” He watched what looked like shame and guilt pass over Callum’s face. He didn’t want to know what that was about, so he didn’t ask. “Come on, first rounds on you.”


	10. Breaking Away

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I hope you all are enjoying the story.

Callum felt awkward, he and Ben were having a drink at the Vic. In the short time he had known Ben Mitchell before the memory loss, he knew this was very odd of him. Ben was always on edge, ready for a fight even when he looked terrified. He had looked seconds away from raging and crying both. This Ben was very different, he was very aloof.

“Any memories?” he asked.

Ben had been looking around the Vic with curious eyes until Callum spoke.

“Memories? Nah. Doctor said it might start with a sense of Deja vu but so far nothing. This is a nice place.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Eh? Why?”

“It’s my fault. I was supposed to be watching your back, but you told me to leave. I listened. I should have never listened.”

Ben smiled, it was a kind one, unlike the smug one he had seen before. “Don’t blame yourself. If I told you to leave than it was my fault. Anyway, I’m an adult, my mistakes are on me.” Ben started to look around again, his eyes widened when the door opened. “Who is that?”

Callum followed his eyes and almost groaned. Stuart wasn’t the best at keeping his gob shut, and he was glaring right at Ben. He had been less than pleased with all the time Callum had spent at Ben’s bedside. Things had been a bit tense since Stuart confronted him about hearing Callum was gay. At first, he insisted that Callum was confused, and laughingly blamed it on a comatose Ben at the time. They had come to a tentative peace right now, he hoped Stuart didn’t say anything to upset Ben.

“Alright Bruv?” Stuart asked him as he neared, finally looking away from Ben to Callum.

“Yeah, good.” He wanted Stuart to leave as soon as possible before things could kick off between him and Ben.

Suddenly Ben stood up, looking down at where Callum sat. “I’m gonna go. Someone is probably wondering where I got to.” Callum stood up to tell Ben that he didn’t have to leave when Ben leaned up and kissed him. It was over before he knew it and Ben made a hasty retreat out the door.

“What was that about?” Stuart demanded; his face hard.

“I-uh-I,” he sputtered before he remembered what Ben thought. “He thinks he’s my fiancé.”

“Why the hell does he think that?”

“I told him the staff at hospital so I could see him. When he woke up Lola thought it was best to keep the lie going in case Luke came back.”

“Luke? Isn’t that his husband?” he said it like it left a bad taste in his mouth.

“Yes, but he’s a bad person, trust me, yeah?”

“Ben bleeding Mitchell is a bad person. Rainie told me all about him. He’s a murderer, Callum.”

“He paid his debt to society. He’s allowed to have a life.”

“The woman he killed had a right to have a life too.” Stuart looked pleadingly at him to understand. He did, he really did. But there was something about Ben, even before the memory loss. He knew story, it still wasn’t excusable, but in his head he could see the terrifed boy Ben had been. Ben was young, his brain wasn’t even done developing when he killed her. Also, no one he talked to thought Ben’s goal was to kill her, he was freaking out and trying to stop her. At least that’s what little he got from Jay, the only other person in the room when it happened. If Jay could still be his friend, he didn’t think he was evil. Lola trusted Ben with Lexi, that had to mean something.

“Leave it, Stuart.” He just hoped he wasn’t making a huge mistake.

* * *

Ben was shaking by the time he made it back to Ian’s. Kissing Callum had been spur of the moment, it was something people who were engaged did, right? In truth he hoped that some sliver of memory would come back with the kiss, but he was no fairytale princess, and this was no storybook.

Still no one was home when he got back, they hadn’t even missed him. It was a little disheartening that no one had even rang. Not that he was that bothered but he would think a family would want to spend time with their family member who had been in hospital for two months. He couldn’t go out again, he would risk running into Callum. After kissing Callum, he saw how shocked he was, Ben knew then he had done wrong. Maybe because Ben wasn’t the Ben Callum fell for, he didn’t want him anymore.

The front door opened, and Ian stepped in. He had only seen the man a few times. He knew he was his brother but not much more than that. They shared a mother and Ian was divorced like fifty times.

“Ben, you’re still here. I thought you would want to look around a bit.”

“I did but got tired,” he lied. “What are you doing?” he asked, looking at the bundle of papers in his hands.

“Oh this? Just thinking about running for a seat on council. What’s new?

“What was I like?” Ben asked Ian. If someone was going to tell him all about himself if would be his brother. He knew he had a sister; Louise had been quiet and not very forthcoming when he asked her the same question earlier in the day.

“What do you mean?”

“What was I like? Like was I funny?”

“You thought you were,” Ian said with a smirk.

“But I wasn’t. So, I wasn’t the clown. Was I nice?”

“Ben, you’ll get your memories back, you don’t have to ask all these questions.”

“I’m guessing I wasn’t nice.”

“You had your moments but generally no, you weren’t the nicest bloke around.”

“That’s not great. Was Callum my first boyfriend?”

He watched Ian tense up, he could tell something was wrong. “Leave it.”

“No, I want to know.”

“Fine, no your first boyfriend was named Paul and truth be told he was too good for the way you treated him in the beginning.”

“I would have figured, he’s not here and Callum is. Must have got tired of me or something.”

“Ben, please, don’t push trying to remember, you’ll get your memories back, but you need to let it come back the right way.”

“Fine. One last thing though. Tell me one good thing about me.”

“You never give up, even when you should.” Ian looked at him like he wanted to say more but turned to leave.

Ben decided to make it an early night. I wasn’t like he was asking the world of his family. He just wanted to know a little bit about what he was like. Was that so much to ask?

As the night grew on, he started to think more. Did he really want to know about himself before? According to Ian he wasn’t very nice. He had seen the reaction he got out of people just walking around the square. Then there was his own fiancé looked too uncomfortable to even kiss him. Callum at least remembered who Ben was, he was the one putting himself out there for a stranger.

There was a knock on the door early the next morning, he looked around waiting for Ian to come answer it but decided it wouldn’t hurt him to answer. Opening the door, he was greeted with the sight of an angry faced bald man. “I heard you were out of hospital. Also heard you were saying something about having no memory. That’s pretty convenient for you, init?”

“I’m sorry who are you?” he asked, he was close to shutting the door in the snarling man’s face.

“Phil, what are you doing here?” Ian said from behind Ben.

The pieces clicked into place; he had been told his father’s name was Phil. If this was his father, no wonder he didn’t have much of a relationship with him.

“I’m here to see my son,” Phil said.

“Now you remember he’s your son. He was in hospital for two months and you only came to see him once,” Ian raged.

“It were more than that,” Phil replied.

Ben was done with the yelling; it was hurting his head. “Look, thanks for looking out for me Ian but I can handle my own life.” He then turned to Phil, his father. “As for you, I don’t know you from Adam, mate. Until I do, maybe you should just stay away. You’re doing my head in already. Doctor says I don’t need the stress and you scream it.”

The older man looked gob smacked. “I’m your father,” the man said like Ben hadn’t caught on.

“Yeah, I get that but you’re a stranger to me and you seem very hostile. I don’t want that around me or my daughter or my fiancé.”

“Fiancé? What the hell are you on about?”

“You heard him, time to leave Phil,” Ian said quickly and rushed Phil out the door. Ben felt like they were keeping something from him but again, he didn’t care much at the moment. If he remembered these people maybe their lies might hurt but he just felt nothing for any of them. The only two that he didn’t feel anything for that made him sad was his daughter and Callum. Everyone else was just noise.


	11. Truth

It had been days since he had seen Ben, too scared to face him. He had acted like a complete fool the last time they saw each other. He acted like he had never been kissed before. Well, it was sort of true, he had never kissed a man before.

He had heard talk around the square how odd Ben Mitchell was acting. He had talked to Lola about it just earlier in the day and found out it was very unlike Ben. She said before the memory loss, Ben felt too much. He lived on his emotions, didn’t matter if they were good or bad. When he cared, he cared with his whole heart, when he hurt, he made everyone else hurt too. She said Ben tried to act like the hard man his dad was, but he wasn’t, he was an emotional being. But years of wanting his father’s approval he turned him into a bit of a psychopath some of the time. She said since he woke up, it’s like he’s a pod person, very unaffected. The one that felt it the most was Lexi, Lola said she could see he was trying but she said it was like a stranger was living in Ben’s body. She said it was breaking Lexi’s heart, she had grown very attached to her father in a very short time, and now he didn’t know her.

Jay was unusually quiet since Ben woke up from his coma. It was like he lost his best friend. That wasn’t far from the truth as he saw it. Everyone said that Ben would be turning to Jay for comfort but now Ben wasn’t turning to anyone. Ian had even said it was like someone else instead of his brother was living in his home.

“You alright, Bruv?”

Callum looked up from the desk he was seated at, doing Jay’s paperwork. He hadn’t even noticed he had zoned out.

“What? Oh, yeah, I’m alright. Just doing some paperwork.”

“Isn’t that Jay’s?”

“Helping out a bit, he’s busy trying to comfort Lola who has a very distraught little girl on her hands.”

“What’s wrong?”

“Ben doesn’t remember Lexi; she just got her father and now she lost him. She sees him but it’s not him, not really. I just wished he would get his memory back.”

“How do ya’ know he’s not faking it? Ya know, make people feel sorry for ‘im.”

Callum shook his head. “Because everyone I’ve talked to said that Ben would hate that people pitied him. Not only that, apparently this void thing he has going on, would be impossible for Ben to do. He’s ruled by his emotions.”

“That doesn’t sound like a bloke you want to be involved with.”

“You’re one to talk. Listen, if he wants my help, I’ll give it. Just promise you won’t tell him that I’m not his fiancé. We have to keep Luke away.”

“Why? I don’t understand.”

“If I tell you promise you won’t breath a word.”

“Fine, because I’m lost here.”

“Luke did this to him. I went with Ben to watch his back; he was doing a job that was a bit dodge. Ben only agreed to get Luke to let him go and allow the divorce. It was all a set up though, Luke was hiding in a hotel room. I didn’t get to Ben fast enough. I don’t know what he was planning but he already had Ben’s clothes off when he opened the door.”

“Bruv, that bloke sounds like a right pyscho, what do you think he was going to do?”

Callum tried not to think about what would have happened if he hadn’t gotten there when he did. Lola told him because of the state Ben was found in, the doctor had to do an examination to rule out sexual assault. It sickened him to even think about.

“That’s why I can’t let him near Ben again.”

“I don’t see how this is your problem,” Stuart said.

“And that’s the difference between us,” Callum said. He watched Stuart’s head drop, it made him feel bad.

“Right. Well, I guess I’ll leave ya to it.”

“Stuart, wait.”

“No, no, you’re right. I got some errands to run. See ya.”

He hadn’t wanted to hurt his brother’s feelings. He loved him but he felt responsible for what happened to Ben. He made Ben a promise and he would keep it, even if it was too late.

“CALLUM!”

He smiled, knowing that voice anywhere. “Heya, Lex,” he said smiling at the young girl. He looked at her mum following her. “What are you doing here?”

“I was hoping to find Jay or Pop, I need someone to watch Lexi for the afternoon.”

“I can take care of her,” he volunteered.

“It’s too much to ask.”

“You’re not, I’m volunteering. ‘Sides, me and Lexi have a bet to settle,” he said, looking at the small girl.

Lexi giggled and nodded. “Please Mummy, Callum said he would take me to the park. He thinks he can swing higher than me.”

Callum had to give it to her, she was sure she wouldn’t lose. No matter how much taller than her he was.

“She’s just like Ben,” Lola said, seeming to read his mind.

“Daddy doesn’t like me anymore,” Lexi said, her face falling.

“No, darling it’s not that, he’s just hurt right now. He’ll be back to normal in no time,” Lola told her daughter, giving her a cuddle.

“I wish Daddy was normal now.”

There wasn’t much they could say to that because how do you explain the unexplainable to a little girl. One minute her father was a loving father if a little new at it, but then next he was a stranger wearing her father’s face, putting on a fake smile. Ben tried everyone said so but there was no emotion behind it.

“Your Daddy is normal, just give him time, yeah?” he told her.

“I guess. Can we still go to the park?”

“Sure, only if it’s alright with your mum.”

“That’s great. Thank you so much I’ll be back in a few hours,” Lola told him, before looking at Lexi. “And you little miss, you be good for Callum.”

“Yes, mummy.”

* * *

By the time Lola came by to pick up Lexi he was exhausted. The Army didn’t have anything on a seven-year-old. When they were at the park, he caught sight of Ben watching them with that curious stare he owned now. It was lucky Lexi didn’t see him because Callum could tell he didn’t really want to talk.

Once he was able, he sought Ben out. He wanted him to spend time with people he had a real chance at remembering but that didn’t happen. He knew he should keep staying away from Ben, after all he had lied to him. Maybe if he stayed away Ben would forget that Callum ever told him that they were together.

Ben was sitting alone in the Vic when he found him.

“Alright?” he asked.

Ben looked up with wide eyes, like he had been lost in his own little world. He guessed that was always true with Ben now, it was better to be in his world than the one he didn’t understand.

“Thought you was done with me,” Ben said finally.

“Of Course not. I was just giving you time with your family.”

Ben scoffed. “I thought since we were getting married, we were family too, but I guess you don’t want a broken bloke.”

Callum couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “You’re not broken. Even if you never get your memory back.”

“Then why haven’t I seen you for dust. The truth Callum, I deserve that much…I think.”

Callum sank down into his seat, ashamed of how much the lie had grown. If he kept up with it, he really was lying to Ben.

“I’m not your fiancé, in fact, I barely know you. I told you that you got hurt because I wasn’t watching your back like I promised, that’s the truth. But there wasn’t a relationship between us just a very new friendship.”

“So that’s why you freaked out with the kiss, you’re straight.”

“I’m not, I’m gay but just now really admitting it to myself.”

“Am I gay?”

Callum didn’t know how to answer that, he had learned a lot about Ben while he was in hospital. Ian and Jay had shared with him a little too much about Ben life before Luke. Seems that he slept around…a lot. Even catching a STI because of unsafe sex. He had learned that Ben started the chain of events that cause Whitney to lose her baby. It was Lee’s fault; he had found that out. Ben wronged Abbie, Abbie wronged Ben and then Lee wronged Whitney. He loved Whitney and hoped she got her happy ever after even if it wasn’t with him.

“Yeah, from what I’ve heard you are. What, you don’t think you are?” Stranger things have happened than a gay man waking from coma straight.

“Well, I’d rather snog you than,” Ben looked around the pub, “her.”

Callum looked around and saw who Ben was pointing at and couldn’t help the groan that escaped him.

“What?” Ben asked, looking back at Callum with big eyes. He had his glasses on, at hospital he told Callum it was because touching his eye freaked him out. Callum wondered if it was something Ben had to overcome or was it something that was just this new Ben’s phobia. That worried him if it was, that meant maybe Lexi’s father was further gone than any of them thought. 

“That’s Whitney, my ex.”

“OH! She’s right fit just ya know, a girl,” Ben said with that smile. Callum liked when Ben smiled.

“Yeah, I know.” Did he ever. Whitney was the kind of girl men have battles over, at least he thought so. “Listen, sorry about lying to ya.”

“It’s fine. I like that better than all the things I was working up in my head.”

“Like what?”

“Like you didn’t find me attractive now? Or maybe the other Ben, the real one had all the personality and I’m just a shadow of him.”

Callum tried to put himself in Ben’s shoes. Being told who you are, what you like and just not remembering that about yourself.

“No, guess I’m lucky, I just met you. Truthfully, you were a little aggressive before, I kind of like this laidback you. But I know Lexi misses her dad.”

“Working on it, got an appointment with my neurologist in the morning. She’s supposed to see why I ain’t remembering. Enough about that…go out with me.”

“What?” He couldn’t have heard him right.

“Go out with me, unless you really don’t fancy me.”

“No, I do,” he said before blushing. God, his father was right about him.

“Great. I got to get back before Lola sends out a search party. She’s the only one that seems to care besides Lexi. Tomorrow night?”

“S-Sure.”

After Ben left Callum felt like he was on Cloud Nine. He had told Ben the truth and he still wanted to see him. It felt like a weight off his chest, he hated lying. And now he had a date…with a man. Oh god, what had he agreed to?


End file.
